Neon Genesis: Paradise
by Romantic Comedy Guy
Summary: Crazy tweaks to the alternate reality in episode 26. WAFF FLUFF AU Shinji x Asuka. Doesn't my name say it all.
1. Water

Disclaimer: Everything is owned by Gainax, they secretly rule the entire world.

Authors note: I love yuri lemons! Sorry that's my catch phrase. :) Anywho, let's get started, as said before alternate reality with crazy tweaks and Asuka x Shinji, don't like it then deal. Reviews are welcome but try being specific; nobody likes a "You Suck".

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Water

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"Hey, you idiot!" came the shout of a certain annoyed redheaded girl.

"You didn't finish your homework!"

"We just got off from school, I'll do it later!" came Shinji's replay as he closed his eyes and tried to block out Asuka's loudmouth.

Shinji was sitting on his floating lounger in the pool as the sun shined on his face. After a couple seconds he had relaxed so much that he didn't hear the pool ladder squeak. As he settled down into relaxation he felt a little push from the bottom of the lounger but couldn't care less about what it was, all he wanted to do was cool down from that day's boring school lessons, but it was not to be. He and his lounger were suddenly pushed from the surface of the water and were now up in the air. He landed back on the water with a belly flop and the lounger landed right on top of him. He suddenly felt a larger force from on top of the lounger and scramble to get out from under it. He already knew who had done it but somehow it still surprised him to see Asuka sitting on his lounger with a superior smirk on her face.

"Hey, what's the big idea, I was relaxing!" came the voice of the noticeably upset Shinji as he was now floating in the water with an angry look on his face.

"You still need to do your homework and I already finished it all so I get to relax, that's the big idea!" was the calm Asuka's replay still with the superior smirk on her face.

Shinji wasn't going to take this injustice laying down so with a smile on his face he put a clamped fist half way into the water and swung his whole arm around creating a giant wave that splashed against Asuka smirk.

"Hey, what was that for!? It's your fault your stupid and won't finish your work early! You're lucky I'm here to keep you concentrated on your future! How do you expect to get a good job if you're stupid and don't know anything!" said the now angry Asuka through barred teeth.

"I'll do just fine with my cello; you're the one who doesn't have any talent in anything!" was Shinji's bold reply.

"WHAT!!!" Asuka wasn't going to let that slide and jumped straight toward her unsuspecting prey and dunked his head into the water. Shinji was desperately trying to get his head out of the water and was flailing his arms over his head.

"That's what you get for arguing with me, don't forget that I'm always right." were the last words Shinji could hear before he fell unconscious.

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Author's note: Ok, ok. You're either laughing your but off of saying dude you're messed up but either way I want to hear about it. And, yes I do realize Shinji is OOC but my story uses alternate reality Shinji which we all know was much bolder and even argues with Asuka. Well, that's all for now so let me close with I love yuri lemons! 


	2. Aaaaaaaa, it's huge

Disclaimer: Gainax owns my mind, they bought it on eBay.

Authors note: I love yuri lemons! Ok, time for the second chapter. I got good reviews for the first one, so here we go. The title's freaking you out isn't it?

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Aaaaaaaa, it's huge

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"Aaaaaaaa, what the hell is that?!" was the first words out of Asuka's mouth on a plain Tuesday morning as she gazed at a pimple on Shinji's left cheek.

"What it's just a pimple?! Now let me eat my breakfast in peace." replied Shinji with a piece of toast in his mouth sitting at the table trying to eat.

"Why is it so huge? It wasn't there yesterday." Asuka asked noticeably upset with Shinji's stupidity about the subject.

"What's your problem? They go away on their own!" rebutted Shinji still trying to get some quiet in the early morning hours before school started.

"You idiot, they also leave scars if you don't get rid of them!" with that Asuka landed a powerful hammer fist right to the back of Shinji's head relinquishing a cry of pain from the boy. She then proceeded to forcibly grab his arm and pull him up from the table and started pulling him toward the hallway.

"Wait, where are we going?" asked Shinji who was still holding on to the back of his head.

"What are you stupid?! I'm going to make sure you get rid of that ugly pimple, even if I have to watch you!" Asuka said as she pulled him down the hallway to the bathroom.

They were now in the bathroom and Asuka finally let go of Shinji's arm and pushed him to a sitting position on the side of the bathtub. She bend down to a cupboard below the sink and withdrew a small square box. Asuka forcibly push the box to Shinji until he clasped it in his hand as he confusingly stared at the box in his hand.

"You don't know how to use them do you?! What did you just hit puberty last night?!" Asuka was now angry at the incompetence of Shinji. She grabed the box from his hands and opened it revealing little circular pads inside of it. Grabbing one of the pads she put the box on the counter and grabs Shinji's face hard on the chin and turned it so the pimple was directly in front of her.

"Wait, what are you doing now?" asked Shinji uncomfortably.

"Shut up and be still! I'll have to teach you to use these." was Asuka's reply to shinji's question as she started to rub the pad against his pimple.

"Aaaaa! Why does it sting?" was Shinji's reaction to a sharp pain he felt in the area of the pimple.

"That means it's working you idiot! You're just full of stupid questions this morning aren't you?!" said Asuka as she finished wiping and threw the pad into the garbage. "There done. Now start eating right or you'll get more."

"Why do you care if I get them or not?" asked shinji, holding onto his now red cheek where the pimple once was.

"Because I'm the one who has to look at it, and you normal face is ugly enough already!" was Asuka replay as she shot the box of pads right into his face.

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Authors note: And that's the end of my second chapter. There's an overall story in here somewhere, ill have to go looking through my desk to find it. Ill try and get the next chapter up soon, it doesn't take to long to write them. See you all next time, I love yuri lemons! 


	3. New girls are lame

Disclaimer: Gainax runs this site, they use it to steal our ideas.

Authors note: I love yuri lemons! Okay, let's get started on the actual story instead of just one-shots that have nothing to do with anything. Ya, you all know what's going to happen in this chapter, that's right Rei. Oh, and one more thing, this is where you learn of most of my crazy tweaks to the alternate reality from episode 26, so it's going to get a little freaky and at the end your going to be saying "What the fudge!?".

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New Girls are Lame

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Shinji and Asuka had just strolled into their first class of the day cheery because they had actually made it on time that day. But Shinji knew that good days have a tendency to turn bad.

"Hey, you two are on time today." said Hikari as she walked up towards Asuka.

"Ya, no thanks to this slowpoke here! He's always so slow in the morning it's pathetic." replied Asuka looking towards Shinji with a look of disappointment on her face. But as she looked she saw someone that always had a negative effect on her.

"Shinji, I'm glad you're here." said Kaworu as he walked up to Shinji and put his hand on his shoulder with a smile.

"Oh, hi Kaworu nice to see you too." replied Shinji half expecting an angry Asuka to instantly hit him in the head. To his surprise she simply grabed his sleeve and pulled him away from Kaworu but she used so much force that he fell down right behind her.

"Hey, get away from Shinji. He doesn't need you freak." was Asuka only words to Kaworu.

"There has always been those who wish to own others and to have them all to themselves." Kaworu said calmly with his eyes closed as Asuka simply grabbed Shinji who had subsequently gotten to his feet and dragged him to his desk.

"Hey, Shinji what's the deal not waiting for me?" came the yell of the resident jock Toji. But before there was any more talking between the two Misato came in and looked at Hikari that made her do her stand and bow routine.

"Okay, everyone lets get to the point we have a new student today." Misato said as she motioned towards the door. The door then slide open and a blue haired girl dressed in her newly acquired school uniform came in and stood in front of the class.

"Hi yawl, nice to meet you, I'm Rei Ayanami." said the blue haired girl with a smile on her face.

"Okay Rei why don't you sit in front of Shinji. Mr. Ikari please stand." said Misato looking at Shinji. Shinji reluctantly stood fully knowing he would get a beating from Asuka for even looking at the new girl because of Rei's obvious feminine figure. Rei quietly took her seat but gave a small smile toward Shinji, now he knew he was in for it. Misato then started lecturing the class on history but Shinji could only concentrate on how to best defend himself from the beating he would get after school.

"That will be all class." was all Misato said before motioning towards Hikari to do her stand and bow commandments. But before Shinji could get out of his seat to reluctantly get a taste of the beating he would recieve after school, Rei turned towards him.

"Shinji was it? I'm new so I don't know my way around. So I was hoping you could tell me where my next class is?" asked Rei with an innocent smile on her face and her schedule in her hand. Shinji knew fully now that Rei had talked to him Asuka was going to kill him so helping Rei out wouldn't cause him to be beaten anymore seriously. So Shinji calmly looked at Rei's schedule and told her what floor and wing her classes where on. Just then he spotted the glaring Asuka coming towards him.

"What are you doing you idiot, you're going to make us late for our next class." was all Asuka said before slapping Shinji in the back of the head while fixing her narrow eyes on Rei.

"Looks like the Ikaris are fighting again." said Toji butting into the conversation if you could call it that.

"Um, Ikaris?" was the only words out of Rei's mouth as she looked confusingly between Shinji and Asuka.

"Oh ya, you're new so you don't know. Well if you must know Shinji and Asuka here live in the same house, creepy isn't it, it's like their mar…" was all Toji could explain before a flying binder landed right on his forehead with enough force to throw him to the ground.

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Authors note: There you go the start of the actual story. Don't worry about Shinji and Asuka being roommate again, I'll explain it later. It's really hard to come up with ideas with them not living together, so give me a break and as for Kaworu I just like him. I love yuri lemons! 


	4. Secrets

Disclaimer: Gainax is the leading cause of global warming; it keeps us inside watching their shows.

Authors note: I love yuri lemons! I finally got some constructive criticism so I will be trying to implementing it in this chapter, but I'm too lazy to change the previous chapters.

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Secrets

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It was lunch time on Friday as Asuka and Hikari sat by a large tree by the school building talking about whatever girls talk about when their alone.

"So, do you want to sleep over at my place this weekend?" asked Asuka with a curious face while she put her hands together begging for a yes.

Hikari had to think about it for a minute but then answered "Sure." Asuka was so ecstatic that she jumped up and started to dance.

"Oh, we're going to have so much fun messing with that idiot." said Asuka in the middle of her dance. Just then the school bell rang signalling the start of the afternoon classes.

Shinji was sitting at his desk with Toji and Kensuke as Asuka walked towards him like a predator stalks its prey. 

In a seductive voice Asuka said "Hey, Shinji we're having a threesome tonight." This caused the three stooges to fall to their face and Hikari who was standing behind Asuka to blush. Shinji could only replay with "Wh… wh… what!" as everyone in the class was looking at him.

"Hikari is sleeping over for the weekend. So don't do anything perverted, you pervert!" answered Asuka with an angry face as she pointed at Shinji.

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Later that day as Shinji and Asuka walked through the door to there house, Asuka was so ecstatic that she through her packsack and shoes to the ground and ran to the kitchen leaving Shinji to pick them up and place them on a near by stool. In the kitchen Yui and Kyoko (Asuka's mom) were washing dishes from their lunch as Asuka came around the corner.

"Hey, mom can Hikari sleep over for the weekend?" asked Asuka in an innocent voice so Kyoko could only reply "Sure, honey." in the sweetest voice she could make. Asuka was so happy that she skipped away without another word leaving the two mothers alone once again.

"It's going to be a long day." said Yui with a sigh.

"I can't believe they both forgot." Said Kyoko as she put down the dish she was washing and walked out of the kitchen.

Shinji and Asuka were sitting on a couch watching T.V. as Gendo was at a table with the newspaper examining the stock exchange. Kyoko walked into the room and towards the two teens as both of them looked up.

In a tired voice Kyoko asked "Both of you forgot about the 'sleeping arrangements'?" which made Shinji instantly get a horrified look on his faces as Asuka screamed so loud that Gendos newspaper exploded and he went toppling backwards.

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Authors note: Ooooooo, it's a cliff-hanger. All will be explained in the next chapter with a flashback (input image of an ugly man doing jazz hands). I love yuri lemons! 


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